The beer is more important than you right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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