In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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