I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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