Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
