I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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