after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
