Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
