Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
