This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
