He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
