worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
