All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
