so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
