On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
