I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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