got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
