i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she peed on how many people?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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