Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
