i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
