So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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