i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
