a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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