so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
