My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
