I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
