I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
