she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
