I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
