She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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