so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
