Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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