At least make sure they are 18
Why
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
