Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
