you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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