Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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