I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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