apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
