I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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