is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
