she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
