I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
