Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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