non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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