so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
