I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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