Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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