Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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