I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
