A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
