And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
