would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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