she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize