remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
