omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
