I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
