I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize