remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
