You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
