Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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