listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
