i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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