no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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