I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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