quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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