hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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