Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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