i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
