Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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