? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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