I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
