$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she looked like the before picture.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
