I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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