wrigley field is MILF paradise
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
