I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
