some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
